A Beautiful Mind
by alexelle
Summary: AU. Alex is only just venturing out of her prison. Mitchie is just waiting to show her the world that's out there. They may be "gifted," but neither one of them knows what that really means. Rated for dark themes to be explored.


She will take any advantage she can from being at this school. Yes, it will be a prison – it is school, after all, and no one knows better that she's never excelled at it – but she is seen as special here in some way.

At home, she is the shameful girl who can never quite reach her brother's abilities, let alone his potential, no matter how hard she tries _(at least she knows she has one gift that she can gloat over, no matter how petty it seems)_. Her mother looks down upon her; she never cares about what she does. Her father is no better – she is just a limp body for him to use, knowing that she can't do anything about it. And limp, that she is. Justin and her mother probably hear her on the occasion that she screams, but she doesn't expect them to help her. Sometimes she wonders which is worse, the disappointment and giving up on her or the physical scars that heal but always come back again.

All in all, her family's need to be perfect drowns her in rejection. She knows she'll never be perfect, or anything close.

She flies away from everything, but she always has to come back down from the sky. The birds don't want her either; they shy away from her unfamiliar, possibly threatening figure cautiously. She wishes she could show them that she isn't going to hurt them, and they would be safe with her. Then she realizes that she could easily hurt them, despite her intentions. Pain is all she lives for, both her own and others'.

Despite the rejection of even the skies around her, she takes as much pleasure as she possibly can in the familiarity of the beating of her wings. It is rather like her heartbeat, but that she ignores – her ears deceive her, she knows; her heartbeat is dead, a broken instrument. A broken heart shouldn't continue to make music.

The wind whispers in her ears, but she ignores the words that she won't want to hear. She doesn't need it to tell her; she already knows.

Her appearance doesn't give any indication of what goes on in her mind as she reaches The Academy (_what_ a creative name) for the first time. She'll never say it out loud, but she wonders – the school is meant for _gifted_ students like her; are they all somewhat as rejected, told they are freaks, because of their gifts _(although she knows, with her, it's only a little because of her_ gift_)_.

And although she scoffs at the word, she still finds her ability a gift.

….

Alex quickly learns that most of the people there aren't like her; they aren't so _brooding_ and _mysterious_. That's what she hears her dorm mates call her, anyway, although they whisper. It's her first day here, and she knows she shouldn't judge them like this, but she can't help it. She's been judged her whole life, and anyway, they're doing it too. She's sick of rising above their scathing words, even if they are just words.

So when another girl comes in the room, she doesn't expect anything different. "Hey, I'm Mitchie," the girl greets her with a particularly large smile, showing all of her teeth. Alex begins to count and wonders how she can smile this much without making her jaw hurt.

She nods at her, replying only with a short, "Alex."

"So, where did you come from? You're new, right? What are you looking forward to? What's your ability?" Mitchie asks.

Alex shrugs. The girl is overwhelmed by all the questions, not used to having anyone so interested in her, but doesn't want to show that her head is spinning. She doesn't want to tell anyone about her wings, either, although she knows they will all find out – she feels they are personal, as she uses them for things that are personal. As for her other ability, she barely acknowledges it herself, let alone wants to tell anyone about it, in fear that it will make her even more of an outcast. It's better to be ignored than hated.

"I'm just going into my second year," Mitchie continues. She continues babbling for a minute, but then notices that Alex isn't listening. Her dorm mates have warned her that Alex is like this, but she's brushed off their concerns. Despite Alex's less than encouraging response, she is still determined to get to know her.

…..

Alex glares into the sky, ignoring the voice of reason in her head telling her that acting moody all the time isn't going to make her feel better _(or is it the voice of her mother, that she tries so hard to ignore all the time – after all, her mother ignores her, so why shouldn't she extend the same courtesy?)_.

She is out on the balcony of her new room, trying to escape her new roommate, who happens to be Mitchie. She isn't interested in what Mitchie is doing, so why does she insist on being so damn interested in her?

Mitchie has been following her around since their first meeting, trying to get her to talk. That bright smile annoys her, and she itches to make a cynical comment, but she is afraid that Mitchie would take that as encouragement, since it would be at least some form of speech. That would be an improvement from how Alex is currently responding to her endless chatter.

Chitter, chatter. Alex has always found the phrase to sound childish and meaningless. In Alex's opinion, they are perfect words for her new follower. Even though Alex never supplies any of the conversation, there had barely ever been silence between the two when they'd been in the same room since they had met, with the exception of when they are sleeping. She always talks to her, although Alex has not really paid attention to anything she says. On one hand, it drives Alex nuts, but on the other, she is loud enough to drive away any dark thoughts that remain in her head despite being away from her family, and Alex can't help but think that might be a good thing.

Now, however, she is just annoyed. The sky is getting darker as they sit there – well, Alex sits, Mitchie stands and paces, practically bouncing around, thoroughly invested in whatever she is saying (Alex just frowns at her whenever she happens to turn her way) – and she is itching to spread her wings and feel the night air against them, the wind whipping through her hair, but she still doesn't want anyone to know about them, no matter how _childish_ it may seem to keep them to herself _(she doesn't like any implication that she is being childish, but this she'll accept because she doesn't like the alternative)_.

"…so I never want to do that again! I mean, it was fun for just the once, but…"

Mitchie doesn't show any signs of letting up on her tirade any time soon. Alex turns back to watch her, feeling somewhat admiring of her ability to ramble while being grateful that she doesn't need to talk like that – it would not bode well, living in her house. _Don't make a sound,_ a rough voice whispers. _One fucking word…_ The voice changes. _Silence is key._

For once, she doesn't feel like listening to them and pushes their weight away. "What were you saying?" Alex asks, using a different tactic – Mitchie's way – to get what she wants _(then again, she's never gotten what she wants, so a different way to fail can't hurt either)_.

Mitchie looks surprised. "Wow. I was starting to think you were mute, or at least deaf." Then she covers her mouth with both hands, coughing in an attempt to cover up her insensitive words.

She actually chuckles at that. She's heard so much worse; the thought that she would take offense at a lighthearted comment like that was amusing. "Nope. Just wondering what a girl's 'gotta do to get some peace around here."

"But you just started talking to me," Mitchie says, obviously disappointed.

"Well, you didn't just start talking to me," Alex retorts.

"It takes two people to make a conversation."

"Not where I come from." She winces at the little slip. This must be why silence is preferred where she comes from, at least from her. She just can't keep her mouth shut.

"Yeah? And where's that?" It sounds like a challenge, which succeeds in throwing Alex off. From her little experience with Mitchie, she seemed to be the sugar-and-spice type, not one to challenge her or ask the hard questions. She supposes it isn't really a hard question – to anyone else, anyway.

Alex feels weary already, and narrows her chocolate-colored eyes, but decides to throw her the bone to play with. "New York City."

It seems to be enough to throw Mitchie off, and she replies with, "I went there once! It was… full of people." She looks at Alex funnily, eyes burning with curiosity. "Wait, then what did you mean about the conversation?"

"Forget it."

"But…"

"Nothing. Just forget it already!" Alex practically yells, without realizing she is raising her voice.

Mitchie stops pacing and looks taken aback at her outburst. "I'm… sorry," she says. "I'll just… leave you alone then."

The words form in Alex's throat as Mitchie walks away into their room, begins to brush past the drapes, and closes the sliding glass door out to the balcony – _I'm sorry._ But they catch, and she swallows them down along with the twinge of regret that she feels, knowing they've always been empty words for her.

_Alex tries to keep her head up and keep her eyes looking toward him (but not directly at his eyes) while saying the words as quickly as possible. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again." She knows it, or something like it, probably will. She just can't stop screwing up._

She shakes the memory out of her head – she's gotten what she wanted this time, hasn't she? Now that Mitchie is gone, she feels emptier, more alone. She's always been alone, but she feels as if Mitchie has softened that blow for the past few days. She needs to readjust, she tells herself, get used to it.

Nervously, she looks behind herself, but the room is silent. Light, still, but silent. It is the perfect time, so she ignores any hesitancy she has this time and closes her eyes, launching herself into the air and finally letting her wings take over. _Thump. Thump._

…...

Alex barely remembers getting back, since it is so late when she does, yet she still wakes before Mitchie or anyone else on the floor. She barely sleeps anymore, anyway. Even though she won't admit it, she is so afraid to fall asleep here, knowing that Mitchie is in the room, because she doesn't want anyone to hear her if she wakes up screaming or thrashes around. She doesn't like being scared.

She is happy to be awake to shower before anyone else, because the shower room is not the most private place when it are being used, and she doesn't want anyone to see her body. As the water runs over her, she traces her white-scarred skin, not even wincing as she remembers how each individual one was carved. The only part that makes her wince is when she feels each of her bones that stick out, too far out, from her flesh. She drops her hands, then finishes as quickly as possible.

Mitchie turns out to be quite the early bird as well, because when Alex goes back to their room, Mitchie is standing up, bright-eyed and fully dressed. She appears to have recovered from the previous day, not looking let down at all, but even happier, when she sees the girl that walked in.

"Alex! Will you come to breakfast with me?" she asks, and Alex agrees reluctantly. She is hungry – starving, really – and the prospect of food sounds amazing to her.

Unfortunately, when they get to the dining room, Alex doesn't feel the same way. While Mitchie's eyes practically pop out of her head seeing all of the delicious food and piles her plate up with massive portions of everything, Alex puts measly spoonfuls of a few things on her plate and twirls her fork around on her plate. She feels nauseous just looking at her food, and she's afraid she'll throw up if she allows the fork to even come close to her mouth.

"Alex? Aren't you going to eat anything?" Mitchie asks, finally noticing what Alex is doing and scrutinizing her as she sits there in her loose-fitting top and long-sleeved cardigan.

Alex looks fearful suddenly, like a deer caught in the headlights.

_"Aren't you going to eat anything, Alex?" he asks her, looking at her in a way that makes him almost seem concerned _(You know better, _she tries to tell herself). "Your mother spent so long making this for you, and you aren't even going to eat it?"_

_She hesitantly brings the utensil she is holding, filled with a generous bite of food, to her lips and shoves it in, swallowing quickly. It tastes empty, but her stomach screams for more._

_His demeanor shifts. "Alex!" he yells, slamming his fist down on the table, which she can easily imagine being her face. "Don't be such a greedy little girl! Your mother only cooks so much, and it has to be enough for all of us. No more dinner for you tonight, and don't think you're getting out of a punishment for that later."_

_She'd tried so hard to find the right balance to make him happy, but she'd failed him. Yet again._

"I'm... I'm not hungry," she lies, looking down. She's terrified of doing something wrong, even though she knows how irrational she is being. She used to be such a rebel, and she wishes she could go back to it.

"Are you sure?" Mitchie asks, dropping her fork and looking at her doubtfully. She picks her fork up again and jabs it toward Alex's face. "Do you want to try some of my omelette? It's really good, I promise."

Automatically, Alex starts to go into defense mode, but she stops herself. She can't seem suspicious. But then, it's not like she's doing anything wrong by not eating her breakfast. If she gets less, there is more for everyone else, and she's not worth taking everyone else's food. "No, that's okay." She shakes her head firmly, and skates over the subject. "When do our classes start?"

The girl across from her doesn't completely brighten up like Alex thought she would at the question, but she does let the topic go. "We get our schedules after breakfast today. It's about time!" Mitchie says. "This is already our third day here."

"What are the classes?" She is genuinely interested now. She is going to have these classes for the next few years of her life, at least—she is only fourteen, and she is supposed to be here until she is eighteen, after all.

"Well, there are classes like math and science – but then there is magical ability, where we learn to control our powers, and there is free ability, where we use our powers for fun, normally working together as groups, for different activities."

"Great." She sounds glum. "So it's basically like regular school, with two extra classes?"

"Well," Mitchie replies, "Not really. We don't have the same classes every day. I take it you don't like school much?"

"It's not that bad," Alex says, but something in her voice clues Mitchie in that she wants to avoid that particular subject. A lot of regular, everyday subjects seem to be taboo when it comes to Alex, in Mitchie's opinion, but she is doing her best to avoid them like Alex wants. She may be nosy and annoying sometimes, but she doesn't want to pester a girl that she is trying to befriend.

They, or at least Mitchie, finish breakfast with mostly silence between them. Alex stares away from her food, not wanting to look at it, while Mitchie cleans her plate. She slams her fork down on her plate with a loud clang and lifts her head up toward Alex.

"Do you want to go get our schedules now?"

Alex nods, and follows the other brunette across the grounds to the main building. When they reach the administrator's door, Mitchie takes hold of the doorknob, but doesn't pull it open. Instead, she turns around so fast that Alex nearly runs into her.

"Alex – Ms. Clausen..." Mitchie's voice falters as if she's about to tell Alex something she won't want to hear, and doesn't want to be the one to do it. "She's not the most friendly teacher. Don't let her discourage you, okay?"

Her voice sounds soft and sincere to Alex. Too soft. Too sincere. She almost snaps back, not wanting to be treated like a child, but stops herself, understanding that Mitchie really is just trying to be gentle. She nods.

Mitchie nods back, completely unnecessarily, and it's enough to confuse the other girl. As the door opens, she can't help but feel apprehensive about what it waiting for her in there. She can't do anything to them, physically, though, right? Whatever is waiting for her can't be anything like home, right?

Her stomach drops like lead and she's happy she didn't eat anything at breakfast.

_I told you to always come prepared._

She has come prepared this time.

The two girls enter the door into Ms. Clausen's office, which isn't nearly as big as Alex has been lead to believe if importance is as much of an indication of size as she has been expecting.

A woman sits at a finely polished desk. Her blonde hair, which is pulled back into an impeccably neat bun, is silvery and nearly as glossy as the dark pinewood of the desk. Her face is adorned with light blue eyes and an angular frown. Her features are just as sharp as her appearance, which makes her appear strict. This look, however, is saved by the fact that she looks so young, thirty at most. Or, it would be saved if Alex hadn't already heard how "non-friendly" she could be.

"Michelle Torres," the woman Alex presumes to be Ms. Clausen says. "Here is your schedule. No problems this year, I trust?"

Mitchie takes the piece of paper that is handed to her and shakes her head furiously. "No, no, of course not."

"Of course..." Her frigid blue eyes slither over to Alex, excruciatingly slowly, and she scans her at quite the glacial pace. "And who is your friend?"

Not being addressed directly, despite the fact that she is standing right there, irritates Alex, but she grits her teeth and keeps her mouth shut as Mitchie more or less directed her to.

"This is Alex..." She looks at Alex doubtfully, as if just realizing she never did find out her last name.

"Ah, Alexandra Russo." She finally turns to speak with Alex herself. "I am Ms. Clausen, the administrator of The Academy."

_Obviously,_ Alex thinks.

"Now, evidently you know that, so there is no need for the regular formalities here. I trust you are settling in well?"

Alex nods. She doesn't trust herself to be able to speak smartly, so unless she is asked a direct question in which she has to speak, today, _silence is key._

"I am going to, shall we say, cut to the chase here. Michelle, your loyalty in coming here with Alexandra is admirable, instead of waiting to get your schedules with the other students, but I need to speak to her alone."

This is news to Alex. Why was there a difference in how students got there schedules, and how did Mitchie know that Alex needed to get her schedule from the office? More importantly, why did Mitchie lie to her about that?

Mitchie sends a fleeting apologetic look at Alex before obeying Ms. Clausen and leaving the room.

Ms. Clausen waits for the door to shut completely before beginning to speak. "Alexandra – I am sure you are aware of both your abilities, correct?"

"Yes." Both of them remain impassive.

"I am sure you understand, but you cannot be permitted to go off gallivanting every day as you did last night. Any more flying after lights out, or any more flying off campus at all will be punished."

"But I thought we were here to learn to control our abilities –" Alex's argument is weak and she knows it, but she's desperate for this rule to be taken away.

"I am not to be trifled with, Ms. Russo!" Her eyes flash, and in just that action, Alex is mesmerized in how such clear eyes and fair features, which would look so innocent on anyone else, manage to look so threatening on her. _It doesn't take much for Ms. Clausen to raise her voice,_ Alex learns. "Any more and there will be severe consequences. As for your second ability – you cannot be permitted to use that ability during free ability or outside of class. You will not be able to use that ability against other students at all. You will not be able to use that ability even in magical ability class unless directed. Understand?"

Alex nods in reply and defeat. _Don't get caught,_ she notes to herself.

Survival is Alex's only instinct. As much as she dislikes her ability, she isn't going to obey Ms. Clausen on this if she is put into the right opportunity to make use of it. As much as she doesn't like to think about it, she has firsthand experience proving how _worthwhile_ pain can be.

Ms. Clausen narrows her eyes at Alex, sensing that perhaps Alex has not fully absorbed her command. "You can go," she says. "But be careful. We wouldn't want to see the consequences of breaking these rules.

This is an order Alex has no problem obeying. She simply stands up, turns on her heel, and walks out the door, which doesn't seem to loom over her quite as much in there as it had on the outside.

The sun has finally completely risen in the sky, but it's a dark day. The weather here stays the same all day, not going from dreary to sunny and back in just a few hours. She's used to this; it's the way it is at home as well.

Home. She needs to stop referring to her parents' house as "home." It was never really home for her, anyway, but it's all she's ever known – she needs to break this habit, just as she needs to break all of her old, harmful habits.

When Alex returns, she's ready to live up to her promise. She hasn't forgotten Mitchie's lie, but doesn't want to be ruled over anymore, especially away from her house, when no one but her teachers should have any power over her. And maybe some chitter and some chatter are just what she needs.


End file.
